Well, was writing a play
about Pete Rose
and Bart Tiamati.
It takes place in a Motel 6
just out side of Cincinnati.
There's a table and a bottle
of whiskey.
They're drinking
but they light a cigarette first.
Pete Rose looks terrible,
Tiamati looks worse.
T -Money says, Pete,
be straight with me,
have you been gambling on games?
Pete says, Commissioner,
where I come from,
we bet on everything
He says, let's get to the point, Pete,
did you ever bet on your own team?
Not sure what Pete's gonna reply,
but I think I'll have a telephone ring
It's gonna be shoeless Joe Jackson,
calling from ten years
Says, Commissioner,
if you don't throw him out,
what have I been doin'
all these years?
Baggin' groceries and
paintin' houses,
havin' a beggin' steal and rob
He tries to grab the receiver,
he says, I could tell you
stuff about Ty Cobb
Then I hear a knockin',
a knockin' at my door
It's my sweet Martha and I open up
and she crawls in on the floor
Says, put down your paper and pen,
boy, I can wait another day
I say, what's wrong?
She grabs my leg, says, all I got to say is
Are you gambling with my love?
Are you saying you don't care?
Are you gambling with my love
while you sit there in that chair?
Are you gonna gamble?
Are you gonna gamble?
I said, girl, I got backers
I got money people waitin' for this stuff
I got a theater off Broadway
Convinced one act ain't gonna be enough
I said, I'm startin' to
roll with this dialogue
I'm gettin' inside Pete Rose's head
I said, he can taste the Hall of Fame
She said,
don't you want to taste me instead?
I said, girl, do you understand
that with 4 ,000 hits
a man could still feel emptiness?
And I'd repeat, Commissioner,
what you got in your hand?
He said, can't you guess?
He said, if I was a betting man,
I'd say you were trying to bluff
me to my face
Commissioner said, too bad, Jane,
it's good playing the odds,
it's playing second base
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
Gangly with my love
So she said, what does Mrs. Rose
have to say about all this?
I said I don't know,
I haven't thought about Mrs. Rose
And I leaned over and gave Martha a kiss
She said you got 2 guys in a hotel room
No other characters or special effects
I said, there's plenty of drama there
She says, three acts, no sex
She says, there is a Mrs. Rose though
Yeah, I said, well, yeah, there is, I suppose
She said, well,
what's her chemistry?
What are her specifics?
Does she have a wig?
Does she wear support holes?
I said, baby, you're wearing
me out, I need a break
Well, he said, we'd turn down the bed
She looks at me, she rolls her eyes
She grabs my pen and says
Are you gamblin' with my love?
Are you sayin' you don't care?
Are you gamblin' with my love?
Are you sittin' there in that chair?
Are you gonna gamble?
Are you gonna gamble?
Gamblin' with my love
So now it goes like this
He rolls to your mighty old town
Mrs. Rose bursts in and says
Damn it, Peter,
carry your children in my womb
She says, Mr. D 'Amati,
you need this man
as much as he needs you
She says,
Judge Knight, let's give you judge
Turns to Peter and says
Are you gonna gamble with my love?
Are you saying you don't care?
Are you gambling with my love?
While you sit there in that chair
Are you gonna gamble?
Are you gonna gamble?
Gamblin' with my love
Are you gamblin' with my love?
Are you sayin' you don't care?
Are you gamblin' with my love?
While you sit there in that chair
Are you gonna gamble?
Oh, oh, you're gonna get in my arms
Can't ruin my love
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Can't ruin my love
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, yeah, where is my love?
Dan Bern 
