Tonart: Ab major
Verse 1
G
Hey, Wendy, you
and the girls have a great album here.
C
I think it's one of the best you've ever had.
But you know what, we only got
G
Gm
nine songs on this album.
G
And one of the girls asked me,
I don't know if it was Jerry or Jan,
but somebody said,
ask him to tell you about the watermelon.
What is this thing
about watermelons?
Oh, yeah, I know what it is about watermelons.
Well, tell me about it. What is it?
First of all, I want you to know
this story is a fact.
It's a true story.
With my hand up, if I had to die,
this story's the truth.
We were, you know, years ago
we traveled in a van.
C
G
It was a walk -in van,
a big old white walk -in van.
We didn't have a bus.
And it was, it was white,
had our name in red across it.
D
G
And it looked like a bread truck
C
G
or maybe a blood mobile.
As a matter of fact, as a of fact,
we stopped in a,
we stopped in a town one time,
and this is a fact, Hop, Alabama.
And a guy kind of staggered
up to it.
We just parked there
and tried to sell me blood.
But if he showed up now,
I thought he was going buy it.
But this is the fact, what I'm telling you.
That's what we traveled in,
and we're seen in
Florence, Alabama.
And every time we had seen that,
there'd be a guy out front
selling watermelon.
D
And we allow watermelon to be
Green beans, rutabagas, no broccoli.
We hate broccoli.
I think broccoli is a weed
somebody worked on.
we allowed watermelons to be sold
and he was always giving us watermelon,
you know, when the show was over.
And he gave us some watermelon
and we put it in that blood mobile we
was in.
It was partitioned off
and had our beds back in the back.
And I just set the two watermelon
over behind the seat.
And we're going down the road is all
two -lane back to Atlanta
F
and I'm flying about two o
and a pickup truck pulled out on me.
The girls is in the bed,
pickup truck pulled out.
By the way, let me say this,
I believe there's an alien
G
G
that is organized and I think that it's I
think it's to stop the flow of America.
I think you have to be over 50 to be in it
and you got to have a pickup truck.
That pickup truck has got to have
at least one broke chain
on the back tailgate.
It's got to have one door a different color
from the rest of the truck.
But outside of that
is just a normal pickup truck
and I believe they sit at intersections
trying to kill people.
Well one of them
pulled out in front of me.
I slammed on the brakes
and them two watermelons come,
there's a cover over a motor,
G
you know, in that big old van.
Them two watermelons come
down that aisle
doing about 150 miles an hour and hit
that, hit the cover on that motor
and absolutely disintegrated
in that bus.
I mean, they covered me from head
to foot.
But when I slammed on the brakes,
Geraldine jumped up,
Geraldine jumped up
and come running up there
and just stopped right in that pile of
watermelon
and looked at me
and there's just enough
light in there
to where she saw me
covered in that red watermelon
and she stood there for a minute.
Geraldine's got the
most blood curdling scream
as you already know.
For a minute she just sat there
and I turned around with
all that watermelon just all over me
and Geraldine swooned a minute
and then let out a, ah,
just as loud as she could.
Well, what do you do when somebody
screams
and you're driving a car,
you slam on the brake.
I slammed on them brakes.
You would think that Geraldine
went down
when I slammed on,
Geraldine went up.
Her feet and head was on a level
and she landed right
in that puddle of watermelon.
By then, of course,
Jan had jumped up
and by then I'd got the van pulled
over to the side.
By then Jan had got up
and she'd come running up there
and just came through the door
two feet and just stopped.
There I was, bleeding to death
as far as Jan was concerned.
Geraldine was laying
in the floor.
Now remember,
this is a fact
with my hand up if I had to die.
Geraldine was unconscious on the floor,
Geraldine fainted,
Geraldine was out,
if she wasn't she really fooled us
but Geraldine was laid out,
laid out on the floor
and I looked at little Jan
and she just started rocking just like
this
now the bus has stopped
and she's just rocking like
and I know she's
ready to hit the floor
and there's no question in my
mind
she'd have landed right down
there
with Geraldine
F
except a piece of watermelon
G
fell off my nose when I ate
By then, Geraldine is coming, too,
and she's spitting watermelon seeds.
Now, this is a fact
what I'm telling
you, Terry, with my hand up.
So we pull up,
we're sitting there on the
side of the road,
and we are all drenched in watermelon,
at me and Geraldine,
and we sit there on the side of the road,
And it wasn't too long after that,
the police come up and just come,
looked in the door,
and I thought that guy was going to faint.
He said, what's going on?
I said, hey, nothing, man.
We just busted some watermelon.
He said, well, what are you all
going to do?
You know, eat it. What do you do?
We got two watermelon here.
Let me tell you something
about my dad.
My dad wasn't an educated man,
C
G
but my dad was a brilliant man.
F
G
and I've lived my life according
to what my dad always told me.
My dad said, boy,
F
G
I'm going to tell you something.
He said, don't you ever eat
G
D
a possum
that's been run over by
F
an automobile
unless you are the one
driving that automobile.
He said, he said, you never know
how long that possum been laying
on that rope.
So I figured the same thing
applies to watermelon.
I busted him, I ate him.
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