Tonart: A major•
Verse 1
A
D
I'm 37,
G
D
I'm still living with me mum,
A
D
A
I've no pals now, my guinea pig's dead,
G
D
and my dad needs my room
D
A
G
so I suppose that it's time I was wed.
D
A
Now you don't sweat much for a fat lass,
G
and I hear you've a rich mum and dad,
A
with the light right behind you,
G
D
you really don't look quite that bad.
A
And that's why I wrote you
Bm
A
this meaningful melody.
Okay lads, three chords in the key of A,
let's put some spunk into it.
I can be the hot dog
and you can be the bun.
I can be the ramrod
and you can be the gun.
if you will pull my chain.
if you will be the drain
E
A
I'll even be the daddy
A
I can be the suppository
C
No, he can't understand
A
why women don't like me
It's one of life's little mysteries
No, I can't understand
C
No, he can't understand
A
why women don't like me
Oh, cruel fate!
I can be the Christmas fairy,
you can be the tinsel
I can be the athlete's foot
and you can be the plimsoll
D
I can be the landlord's thumb
and you can be the drink
and you can be the sink
A
I can be the vet's rubber glove
and you can be the cow's backside
But I can't understand
C
No, it can't understand
Dear Anna Raeburn,
what am I doing wrong?
Now I can't understand
C
No, he can't understand
A
why women don't like me
I've got the brew cream's browns
You can be the sandwich,
I can be the lemon curd
You can be the WC and I can be the turd
and you can be the truss
E
A
E
You can be the vomitbag
and I can be the...
What's this word?
I can't understand!
C
No, he can't understand!
I 've got the old teeth
and a motorbike inside
No! I can't understand!
C
No, he can't understand!
A
why women don't like me!
me, me, me...
I can be the finger,
and you can be the pie.
A
and you can be the stye.
I can be the writing,
if you will be the wall.
I can do the breaststroke,
if you will do the crawl.
D
You can be the racing car,
A
and I can be James Hunt.
What's this word?
Mr Biggin, the word is hunt.
Are you sure?
I can be the stone,
and you can be the kidney.
You can be the choir boy,
D
A
and I can be my rather
A
But if your heart should chance
G
D
A
resist my subtlety and charms,
and my suave sophistication
G
D
fails to bring you to my arms,
A
You'd be the wild and lovely girl
G
D
I'd lost before she'd grown
A
D
And you will be a memory,
G
D
and I will be...
A
Probably going down the pub
D
There's a darts match on at the
A
Swan in Fulham Broadway
Or I might go to the pictures
and see Clit Eastwood
Or Danish dentist on the job
Or I might go and stare
at the nurses playing tennis
Or I might go and get some Algerian
Scotch whisky from the off -licence
And get Kermode hugging drunk
Or I might go and stick me gong
Outro 1
through somebody's letterbox
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