Tonart: D major
Verse 1
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Lifeboat
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Teacher: Good morning, class!
Class: Good morning,
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Mrs. Aryan.
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Teacher: Today we're going
to play a game!
Class: Yeah!
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Teacher: This game is called
Lifeboat. All together...
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Class: Lifeboat!
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Teacher:Good! Lifeboat is a lesson in values clarifica
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tion. Can you say values clarification?
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Class: No.
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Teacher: Values clarification is where your little minds decide which lives are worth living and which lives are worth...ahem... not living. Now here's how we play. A big ship just sank. There are five people
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on the lifeboat. But the lifeboat is only made for two. I'll list the five people on the chalkboard, and you, class, will decide which three will be thrown overboard. Are we ready?
Class: Yes, Mrs. Aryan.
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Teacher: Good! First, there's an old, old crippled grandfather. Second,
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there's a mentally handicapped person in a wheelchair.
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Alison: What's mentally
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handicapped?
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Teacher: It means they can never be a productive members of society. Third,
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there's an overweight woman on welfare, with a sniffling, whimpering baby.
Max: Is the baby on welfare,
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too?
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Teacher: Let's not push Mrs. Aryan...
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Sydney: Who else is
in the boat?
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Teacher: A young, white doctor with blue eyes and perfect teeth, and Joan Collins. Now,
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class, take five minutes to make your decision. ... Times up! Well class?
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Class: Throw over grandpa
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'cause he's getting pretty old
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throw out the baby or we'll
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all be catching it's cold
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throw over fatty and we'll
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throw out the retard,
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and they won't be rockin' the boat
Verse 2
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Teacher: Very good! That was fun,
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Class: Yes, Mrs. Aryan.
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Teacher: For our next lesson,
we're going to do an experiment!
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Class: Yeah!
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Teacher: We're going to test the law of gravity, just like Galileo, by dropping two objects out the window--one heavy heavy and one light-- to
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see which one hits the sidewalk first. Now what shall we use for the lighter object? I'm thinking of something small and square...
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Teacher: Good! And what shall we use for the heavy object? I'm thinking of something round and bouncy... Tommy,
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I haven't given you permission to leave your sea...class, the bell has not rung. What are you... oohh! Class...put me down! Put me down this instant! Ooohhh! Ooohhh!
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Class: Throw over teacher and
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we'll see if she can bounce
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we've learned our lesson--teacher says
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says perfection's what counts
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she's getting old and gray
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throw over teacher and we'll
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play another game of lifeboat
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throw over grandpa 'cause
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he's getting pretty old
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throw out the baby,
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or we'll all be catching it's cold
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throw over fatty and we'll
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throw out the retard,
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and they won't be rockin' the boat
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Yeah!
Outro 1
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