Tonart: D major
Intro 1
D
C
Bb
C
Bb
Diarrhea's
Verse 1
Gm
Bb
coming back,
Gm
Bb
Gm
Bb
my family's under attack
Fm
It's not so great, I do agree,
Ab
I've also got a bad wedgie
Fm
Bb
Thought I could
prove I'm not a baby,
but now all of us need saving
Fm
Brought my hopes into the ocean,
Ab
sorry if a fish has choken
C#
C
Sure a lot is happening,
but I wish I brought my napkin thing
Gm
D
Bb
It might have helped to
calm us down
Don't make a sound!
But why are you doing all this?
D
Okay, good question, I'll allow it
Look, I'm not bad
C#
A
C#
A
C#
A
Even though I'm not a bad person
So what kills one carnivore?
D
It's just because I'm determined
C#
To finally get what I think
And to turn it into something worthy
D
B
E
A
Trust me, I'm sure you will agree
E
Eb
Would you like to hear
C
Gm
C
A
B
my mas ter plan?
A
B
Bm
D
Okay, can you answer faster?
Bm
D
Cause I asked you
Would you like to hear my
Um, yes?
A
Okay, that's more like it
D
C
I'm so glad that you asked
Em
Gm
You see, I'm in the Fishoulder
Family Trust
C
Because I'm in the family
Gm
He's from the bad part of the family
He means the poor part
They're bad because they're poor
C
Shut it! Shut your front door!
D
D
Okay. Okay. I said okay.
C#
So, in this family trust you see,
D
you're ineligible to receive benefits
if you've been convicted of a felony.
C#
A
D
And every single one of them has been.
All except for Cousin Calvin,
Bb
Gm
because he never got caught.
C#
F#m
So, I frame him, and boom! Now,
D
if something unfortunate happens to Calvin and Felix,
A
whom will they suspect?
F#m
F#
F#m
D
Not me. No, no, no.
Why would they?
Something unfortunate
is going to happen to us?
Uh, yes.
Surprise.
Oh, poo.
Wait, both of us?
You were so insistent
D
D
I bought an outfit. Yes, we know!
B
But let's just say your submarine isn't
C
going to go to Cuba. Oh. Cancun?
It won't make it out from under the pier.
B
Did you think that sub was going
to make it to Cuba?
Hmm, I think we might have gotten a
E
B
little too excited about the sub idea.
I mean, isn't it just an old ride?
D
C
Yes, it runs on tokens.
But not the best frame job, right?
B
mean, why bury Clown Candy
down in front of our restaurant
C
and then wait six years?
Ah, right.
I didn't bury him in front
and I didn't want to wait six years!
SIX YEARS!
Bb
D
Bb
Db
Easy, easy.
Ab
Db
Maybe we should hold off on the questions.
Eb
I had it all worked out.
A top -rate murder!
Fm
Eb
Fm
C
I shoot Mr. Carney with Calvin's gun.
F
I stick him in a pile of dirt
Gm
D
or whatever yucky stuff was
Gm
near the entrance to the wharf.
Ab
Db
I leave the stupid foot sticking
Ab
out
Db
Fm
Eb
so someone would be sure to see it.
But little did I know
that some numbskull back
working for the city
was gonna scoop up that pile
Eb
Fm
without even checking for dead carnies!
F
D
I come back, I've got nobody,
I didn't know where they brought the dirt,
C
Cm
and it's not like I could go around asking,
D
Did anyone find any dead guys
Gm
D
this tall, kind of a biter?
D
But thankfully, blessedly,
your stupid pipe burst
and saved the day.
D
The skeleton was found,
frame job back on,
and it's true what they say,
good things happen to good people.
Wait a second,
C
is this all about your silly Megapark idea?
Em
Yes, this is about my Megapark.
Bm
My, much more efficient and profitable
D
than your stupid beer Mega Park!
C
It'll have gift shops, so many gift shops
Bm
And I'll get the best marketers
D
to do the best marketing
C
Em
And indoor motion simulator rides
B
If you could see my scale models
D
Then you'd understand why
Cotton Candy Dan had to die.
It's going to be so worth it.
Because business dreams are
about business.
They're not about dreams.
That's not true.
All right, then.
I think I got it figured out.
C#
I think that this is what I need.
A
C#
You're going to all get in the sub,
A
and then I'll launch you in the sea.
D
A
Am
C
D
A
Oh, no, I don't think that's right.
You won't be able to get out.
A
The handle's broken from inside.
C#
Then the pier will be on fire.
A
What? Well, you caused it.
Then you died.
D
Oh, oh, oh, that's so careless of us
E
Yeah, what they'll say is this
Metal wheels on metal tracks
Eb
will cause a spark, a little flare
Whoops, the drapes, they catch on fire
B
and it just gets worse from there
Up it goes into the mole hill
D
Which now seems to be quite full
of cute and fluffy fairy birdies
E
I am a bull -stuffed animal
So they don't come to life?
And then the mole hill
F
C#
That's what we call dad's back
We do? Oh, oh, oh,
Gb
B
F#
lems with this plan
F#
Like what? People on the pier?
E
Gone I'm closing early, what else?
You were burning the fire too?
Eb
Nope, I made a fuse out of cooking oil,
D
sugar,
Bb
All things you'd find at an
Gm
Bb
C
amusement pier.
It's gonna go up the stairs,
Bb
Gm
over the roof of this stupid room.
And our some investigators
Cm
C
C
Bb
Gm
will never suspect a thing.
Bb
My fuse and my brilliant flam
D
mable stuffed animals idea
C
gives me just enough time
D
to get back to the gym, which is my alibi.
I went there just an hour ago.
I said the steam room was too steamy.
A
A
I made a pretty damn big show.
D
Then I slipped out the window
and that's how I got here now.
Gb
D
I just sneak back in through the window
I've been at the gym three hours.
I don't know if you have a three
-hour gym buddy.
Bb
Sorry! Yeah, it's not believable.
Gm
D
No, you're too pasty.
Also, your mega park is mega dumb.
I want to amend my earlier statement.
Here we go. I'm not that evil,
Gb
E
D
but I'm feeling evil today!
Outro 1
D
E
D
E
D
E
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