Tonart: F minor
Verse 1
Em
It was just a couple of minutes
before midnight when
E
Bill waddled back into the living room
Em
carrying a huge bowl of
butter -soaked popcorn.
On
E
F#m
Em
TV, a lithe, young, spandex -clad cheerleader
type was touting the benefits of the latest
F#m
Em
quick weight loss program.
F#
F
Oh, mind your own business,
Em
F#m
Em
you tedious bimbo, yelled
F#m
Bill as he gracefully eased
his 360 -pound
Em
frame onto a well -worn sofa.
He considered this type of
ubiquitous incursion into
F#m
E
Em
one's personal affairs to be a blatant
affront to human dignity and a perfect
example of how society was
F#m
going to hell on a fast train.
Em
He swallowed a fistful
of soggy popcorn and then took a long swig
from a large plastic bottle of diet
coke that was resting
F#m
Em
F#m
nearby.
Next, the
Em
TV showed an elevated
shot of a large crowd.
It was
Times
E
Square.
Em
F#m
Em
An illuminated clock overhead showed
the time to be one minute
before midnight.
F#m
The camera began to pan across
F#
Em
some of the faces in the crowd.
God, exclaimed
Em
Bill, this absolutely must be the most
G
Em
F#m
amazingly sub -human collection
Em
of hooligans and ruffians ever
F#
Em
assembled in one place.
F#m
Em
Someone, please, summon the
National
E
Guard at once before this evil
Em
E
Em
gang of terrorists
completely destroys
New
York
F#m
City, he pleaded while simultaneously
E
F#
F#m
pelting the screen with
Em
few kernels of popcorn,
E
Em
F#
F#m
Em
as if to keep the unruly mob at bay.
E
Em
A man with a microphone appeared and began
to question people in the crowd about their
New
Year's resolutions.
F
Em
A
Em
Bill snickered in disgust.
I resolve to stop smoking, quit drinking,
F
Em
and to lose 180 pounds, he mimicked, and I
F
Em
G
also resolved to spend every waking hour doing
F#
Em
my utmost best to promote peace, love,
G
F#
and universal understanding amongst all my fellow man,
Em
no matter what their race, religion,
or national origin may be.
E
Em
F
And then, in order to em phasize his total conviction in the matter,
Em
C
his immense buttocks and
Em
E
Em
let off a loud fart.
Em
The final seconds before the new
year were ticking down.
F#m
Em
E
Em
A big silver ball was sinking lazily
G
Em
toward the earth.
G
Em
E
The crowd chanted 10, 9, 8.
Em
E
Em
Bill's hand came to rest in the bottom
F#
of the nearly empty popcorn bowl.
Em
Em
He nodded, 4, 3, 2, 1.
TV, streamers, flashbulbs,
firecrackers everywhere.
F
G
G#m
The faint, echoey strains of
Auld
G
Lang
F
Am
Syne blended in with
F#m
G
Bill's living room like the sound of
a half -remembered dream.
From the sofa, there came a soft,
Em
G
buzzing noise not unlike a baby's snore.
Outro 1
Bill had gone to sleep.
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