Tonart: G major
Verse 1
D
G
Oh, who's making these horrible movies
that they show on the big movie screens?
They chase and they crash and they dumb it
D
G
all up and I sit and I watch the credits.
Em
C
D
I watch to see who played that part so badly.
Em
C
D
I wonder why I can't be a movie star too.
Em
I sometimes audition for
C
D
a low -budget equity waiver.
Em
C
I just want a chance to prove
G
Oh, who's making these horrible movies that
they show on the big movie screens?
They charge more and more but they give us
D
G
less and I sit with my date and I suffer.
Em
C
Why must I watch
Battlefield
D
Earth?
C
D
G
C
D
G
The script was written in crayon, the script was written in crayon,
C
G
the script was written in crayon, the script was written in
Hey there!
Interior, movie studio,
C
G
big important meeting with big important people.
C
We just optioned this original adaptation, totally in dependent,
D
G
C
big studio, high concept, low budget art house spec script.
G
Brand new, been in development
for 25 years.
Working title is
Kill
Me
Now.
I just read the first draft treatment and
C
G
it's not very good but we can fix it in post.
It's real
Gen
Em
X and noisy with all that wacky
D
G
surround sound and the
THX
Dolby.
C
And I must say I see several sequels
D
G
an d at least one or two prequels.
C
The dope sheet on this baby got it to green
G
light, all the trades smell of bidding war.
Jump cut to the festivals, okay?
Two words, cha -ching!
C
D
Our best boy wrote this script!
G
He's a 20 -year -old former key grip, and
he used to work on the castings now,
D
G
so he's got ancillary rights,
C
and he wants contingent compensation on the back end.
G
Wink!
Picture this.
Extreme close -up of some famous
actor ad -libbing.
We shoot a guerrilla,
handheld, cinema verite.
Em
D
G
No protagonist, no antagonist,
no character arcs,
D
no plot, no subplots, no
G
B -story, no denouement!
Just avant -garde montages of a beautiful,
emaciated, 16 -year -old supporting cast.
We fire off a few squibs in the
car chase scenes.
Did somebody say
McDonald's, okay?
We split the merchandising
with a fast food joint
D
and they pass off our crappy worthless
G
toys for 99 cents with each combo.
D
G
Plus, we get to advertise for free on the soda
C
cups, which brings us to the love scene.
G
We hire a great pair of
boobs for the body doubles,
C
G
stand above on the bed, shoot at all
POV and
OTS and stop -motion steadicam.
When we sell a foreign distribution,
we can dump everything on a
D1,
Letterboxd and add subtitles
and hock a
C
G
DVD of the frickin' director's gun.
The cast is willing to work for scale
C
G
because we pitched it as an
Oscar contender
and most of them are stupid,
D
desperate has -beens anyway.
G
The director's willing to work for deferred compensation,
D
but I don't think we need a director on this one.
G
It pretty much directs itself.
We'll just send a
PA up to
D
G
Canada to shoot the principal
photography on a
Sony
D
Digicam.
G
D
G
Oh, I've got an idea for a movie.
C
D
G
All it needs is a bankable cast.
Labor
Day weekend,
G
and we'll sit and cuckold on the glass.
We can save money on sound, too.
Make it a silent film,
pretend we did it on purpose.
Who cares?
Let's go black and white.
Shoot the fight
scenes in claymation.
It doesn't matter.
We can do post -production in a slave
labor camp on a video toaster in
Taiwan.
What the hell?
Well, the
C
D
G
MPAA wants to give us an
NC -17, which is the kiss of frickin'
death.
D
They'll only give us the
G
R if we cut out some of the decapitations.
C
G
I say we storyboard the trailer.
Shoot it before we make the film.
See how it plays in a test market.
D
G
Make it kind of
MTV.
Think
Dawson's
D
G
Creek, real young and anamorphic.
No old people.
Slap the clapstick.
D
G
Soft light the depth of field.
Put some nose grease on the diopter.
Sink it.
Hire a gaffer.
Orange stick most of the
MOS.
Sprocket a blue filter.
Tinker with the f -stop.
Rotoscope the wet gates.
C
D
Bootleg a word print.
C
D
G
kiss the studio's ass and hope they like it.
Go by the bull legs, load the mags, pan and scan, sweeten the daily,
C
sandbag the licensing, and get this baby in the can!
Elton
John to barf out the soundtrack,
C
D
G
package everything prorated, and most important,
KISS
THE
STUDIO'S
ASS
PRAY
THEY
LIKE
IT!
If it sucks, we cut our throats,
call it a life, and it goes direct to video.
No big deal!
G
Aw, who's making these horrible movies that
D
G
they show on the big movie screens?
D
G
They chase and they crash and they dumb it
D
G
all up, and I sit and I watch the critics.
Em
C
D
I watch this evil play that parts so badly.
Em
C
D
I wonder why it can't be a movie star too.
Em
I sometimes audition for
C
D
a low -budget equity waiver
Em
C
I just want a chance to prove
G
Oh, who's making these horrible movies
C
D
G
That they show in the big movie screens?
They should do us a favor
and blow up their brains
C
D
G
In the back of their big limousines
C
D
G
In the back of their big limousines
C
D
In the back of their big limousines
G
Come on!
It's a wrap!
We're not done.
you
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