Have some pity on an Easterner,
show a little sympathy.
No one possibly
could be sterner
than you have been with me.
Oh, there's a job that I'm applying for,
let me put it to you thus.
It's a partnership I'm dying for,
Mr. and Mr s. Us.
Now, before you file it on the shelf,
let me tell you of myself.
Oh,
I'm the chappy to make you happy.
I'll tie your shoesies
and chase your bluesies.
Oh, lady, would you?
Oh, lady, could you use me?
Now, I'd shake the mat out
and put the cat out,
I'd clean the garret and
feed the parrot.
Oh, lady, would you?
Oh, tell me, could you use
me?
Do you realize what a good man
you're getting in me?
I'm no Elker, Mason, or Woodman
who gets home at three.
The girls who see me
grow soft and dreamy,
but I'm a gander who won't falander.
Oh, could you use me?
Cause I certainly could use
you.
There's a chap I know in Mexico
Who's as strong as he can be
Eating nails and drinking Texaco
He is the type for me
There is one in California,
more romantic far than you.
When he sings,
cha -cha -cha -chornia,
I often think he'll do.
But as for you, sir,
I'm afraid you will never
make the grade.
For you're no cowboy,
you're soft and howl, boy.
I feel no muscle that's fit for tussle.
I must refuse you.
I cannot use you.
Excuse me.
No nightlife for you,
the birds would bore you,
the cows won't know you,
a horse would throw you.
You silly man, you,
to ask me, can you use me?
Though at love you may be a wizard,
I'm wanting to know,
could you warm me up in a blizzard?
Say 40 below.
Your thighs are freakish,
your knees are weakish,
you're not a sender,
you elbow bender.
Though you can use me,
I most certainly can't use
you.