Tonart: A major•
Verse 1
Dm
B
All right, folks, we now have another fantastic treat for you
Dm
here on the Larry the Cable Guy
Christmas Spectacular.
When I was a kid,
E
Dm
I used to love the chipmunks,
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Alvin and Simon an d Theodore.
Dm
And every Christmas I would
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Dm
Those high -pitched voices
I'll tell you, and the whole family
could enjoy.
Young, old, smart, stupid, cute, ugly,
inbred, not inbred, didn't matter.
Who here would like to see
the chipmunks one more time?
Well, we couldn't get them.
They cost a fortune,
and their manager's a mother.
Never mind.
But we got something even
better.
Who remembers the chipmunks with a T?
Elvin, Simone, and Stevedore.
Nobody? Great.
Well, here they are.
Okay, now, who is who here?
I'm Elvin. Steve Dorr.
This must be Simone.
Uh, he's, uh, shy.
Hmm. I think he's dead.
No, no, just shy.
We don't get paid
unless it's all three of us.
Just go with it, asshole.
Well, he's missing two legs and an ear,
and he has a tire track
across the middle section.
He don't smell good.
He's getting over the, uh, stomach flu.
You don't smell so hot yourself.
The flu.
Nah, egg salad.
Look, I don't want to keep going on and on about this,
but I'm pretty sure that thing's dead.
And he's a badger.
A
Your mother is a badger.
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And I think Simone is a girl.
Look right there. Look at that.
Well, I guess you know your way around,
rodent pussy.
Hey, stop right there, buddy.
It's a family show.
It says right here you guys had a hit song
back in the 60s.
Can we hear a little bit of it?
A
Christmas, Christmas, don't you wait.
E
Hey, that's just a rip -off of the
chipmunk song.
No, it's not!
You're a rip -off of the
chipmunk song.
Isn't this thing a pale imitation
of the chipmunks?
And what is a chipmunk with a T?
A chip is like a ticket.
Why don't you get a dictionary
and look up the word dictionary,
and then get a dictionary and
look up chit.
You got to be careful when you say chit,
because it sounds like...
You sound like chit.
Stop doing that or I'll stomp on you.
Then I'll have chit on my
shoes.
And what about your names,
Elvin and Stevedore?
I was named after Elvin Bishop
because my parents fooled around
and fell in love.
My name is a nickname
because I used to unload
ships on the docks.
Get another dictionary
and look up Stevedore.
We were a band before the Chipmunks,
but they got famous first.
They ripped us off.
And right when we were about to hit,
we got drafted.
We fought for our country.
Yeah, what war was that?
The, uh, first, uh, I mean third world.
The one over there in, um, you know.
I'm not sure, man.
I got messed up over there pretty bad.
I lost a lot of buddies.
One minute they're right next to ya,
and the next minute you're
wearing their pelts.
I heard you guys quit performin'
for most of the 90s.
We had PETA on our tails
like you wouldn't believe.
Animal cruelty.
I was doing an Alice Cooper -like thing
with the guillotine,
and then the only gig
we were being offered
was carnivals and fairs.
What kind of loser does those?
I do.
I do a lot of carnivals and fairs.
Bingo.
Crap, somebody has a bingo?
Sit down,
Grandma, we're not playing bingo.
Who has a bingo?
Nobody has bingo,
for God's sake.
Alright, then let's have a big hand
for the Chit Monks with a T.
Yeah, you're right, screw it.
Get out of here
and take your dead stinky
friend with you.
Man, I wish I had my rifle right now.
Well, that was wonderful.
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